Some "pinned" quotes

Remember, behind every crappy weigh-in week, there's...

(hopefully) a week like this week.

Last week, I felt discouraged, among other things. I splurged on our Disneyland trip, but I thought it was an injustice that I'm good 97% of the time and when I decided to indulge a bit, whilst still staying within my daily allotment of calories given all the walking we did, that I pack on pounds. Water weight due to high sodium food for 3 days, but that wasn't much of a comfort.

So this week, I was a machine, drinking kanteen after kanteen of water, seriously watching my sodium intake. My sources (ranging from eHow to Mayo Clinic) tell me that low-sodium diets are 1500mg and below. For women under 50 I think, max is 2300mg--health conditions, age, race, etc. play a role so check for your own personal circumstances. Most Americans get at least 3700mg per day. If you start to really pay attention to sodium and not just calories, you'll notice how high it is in most food. The rule of thumb is that the less something looks like its natural form, the more processed it is. Processed=sodium. Now you do need sodium in your diet. I believe it's under 1000 for normal body functioning. Anyway, I changed my MyFitnessPal to have a max of 2100 because I read that was a better number to shoot for. I tried to keep my sodium closer to 1500 as much as possible.

The result? Well, Disneyland resulted in a 6+ pound gain. Now you see why I was frustrated. I was seeing numbers on the scale I swore I wouldn't see again. The effort I put in this week with water intake, lower sodium and exercise paid off with a loss of...

:drum roll:





9.6 POUNDS.

Now. I know the 6 pound gain was bogus and I know I would have actually lost weight Disney week so in 2 weeks, it's essentially 3.6 pounds lost, which I'm totally beyond thrilled about. I just want to keep rolling with this because this means, Internet friends, that I am 11.4 pounds away from GOAL.

Seriously, I could die. 11 pounds. 11. I can so do that.

Channeling BL Hannah there--so be sure to read it with a southern accent.

It's surreal thinking of that number I started with: 74. I decided on it, I cringed that I had so far to go, I posted it for the world to see, and I got to work. Honestly, the first 5-6 months, I didn't fully commit. I didn't exercise. I didn't put the effort in that I was capable of putting in. But I kept with it. That's what matters. Those rocky first few steps led me down the path I'm on now. 63 pounds lost. 6-3. SIXTY-three pounds. Not bad when I started off feeling like there was a good chance I'd give up partway through. That I wouldn't see it through. I related so much to Olivia on Biggest Loser when she said she was a great starter, but she never finished anything. Well she did and I am.

I'm to a point right now that I'm facing fears, shining a light on the things that have held me back. I'm not letting things have power over me and keep me from truly living and robbing me of happiness. It's a continuous process to break out a way of thinking, but I'm doing it.

The *asterick to yesterday's McFatty post

In the context of the post and my mood yesterday, by "fat," I meant:

sluggish, heavy, weighed down, lethargic, discouraged, like I did at my heaviest...

like crap, basically.

It doesn't mean that I think I'm fat. For the record.

I know a few pounds is a drop in the bucket compared to the amount I've lost up to this point, but it's incredibly frustrating regardless of the reason for the weight gain. In my case, it's probably water retention due to an extremely high sodium diet for the few days we were at Disneyland. I'm mad that I can do everything right for so long, make progress, I give myself leniency for a few days, while still getting 12 hours of walking in per day, and I pack on pounds. It doesn't seem fair.

BUT I'm not a victim, I know what I need to do so I'm doing it. Hopefully it makes a big impact this week.

I just want to reach goal already. I'm doing this the right way, but sometimes (and I've said this before), I just want to say: "Are we there yet?"

This is my McFatty post.

I feel fat.

The scale kind of agrees.

Back on track this week.

That is all.

One Word Wednesday

Mischief.

Der. That's what child locks are for.

I got "Jack" the Explorer a couple of months ago. It didn't really occur to me to activate the child locks on the windows since Little couldn't reach. A couple weeks ago, the Hubs mentioned putting them on because Little loves to rest her foot up on the door. Suggestion noted, but of course, it slipped my mind.

Until yesterday.

I had just done the "Little exchange" and was pulling out of the parking lot. The a/c had been cranking for several minutes, but I started to question if it was working because it suddenly felt really warm. I usually shut down the center air vents in the front to blast the rear air more so I turned around to feel the airflow from the back vents. Cold, but I noticed the rest of the back seat felt even warmer than the front. Then I saw it.

Little had used her feet to stomp on the window control and had rolled it all the way down.

Mind you, I have window shades on both rear windows and it was also lodged deep inside the door, thus preventing the window controls from working. Since we were already on the road and there wasn't a great place to pull off safely(and it's less than 10 mins home), we road with the a/c blasting and the rear window down. Not exactly energy-efficient, but Little enjoyed the breeze...for awhile. Then, when we were almost home, stuck at a stoplight, I snapped this photo of my less than amused little girl.

The car was reading 107 degrees for the outside temp.

Mommy FAIL. Well, Little was fine. She laughed at me while I tugged and bargained with the up/down window switch, but I managed to dislodge the window shade and the window seems to be working okay. Child locks are engaged and we will not have a repeat of this incident.

When "big" is actually small.

I have a small frame.

This is according to the wrist measurement method and the finger wrapping method.

This discovery came after my bestie Sherry asked about figuring out her frame size. I decided to find my frame size as well. I've talked about how being tall has always made me feel big. Huge actually. Imagine my surprise when I'm suddenly being told I'm small [framed].

Kind of changes my perspective. A little. It also brings up the issue of whether my goal weight is good enough.

In a word? Yes. That said, I had it in my head from the beginning of all of this that I would re-evaluate once I reached it and I'd probably lose a little more beyond that. My current plan is to reach goal and then work on toning and improving my fitness level. Increase my endurance. Run a 5K. Build more lean muscle and try to tighten up. All of this is likely to shed more weight and lose more inches, but it's not my focus right now. I don't want to take away from my feeling of accomplishment when I hit goal weight, but that will mark the start of a new focus and a new goal: To really get fit. Ideally, I'd like to actually be 5-15 pounds below my current goal weight when all is said and done.

BUT, for now, I have my goal to reach. Despite the setback of gaining last week (perhaps the two 4-lb weeks made my body freak out a little bit), I'm charging forward and reaching for that goal. I lost the 1.6 pounds I had gained for last Monday. It's still realistic for me to reach my goal weight by my current goal date (end of August). I haven't liked goal dates much in the past, but I figure at this point in the game, it's enough of a nudge to push myself a little bit more. Considering this past weekend was a getaway weekend for the Hubs and myself and I indulged in daiquiris, didn't log in my calories (but was still conscientious) and opted for fries instead of a salad with lunch (total conscious decision), I don't consider just making up for last week's weigh-in too shabby.

I haven't checked in with my measurements in awhile so here we go--since last June:
Waist: -7 inches
Hips: -8 inches
Upper thigh: -6 inches
Upper arm: -1.5 inches

Kind of wish I had done more measurements to start, but oh well.

Fittingly, I saw this over on Pinterest (my new obsession, thanks to my SIL :) )...

I can assure you how true this statement is. A little over a year ago, I weighed about 60 lbs more than I do right now. I made a decision to start something and lose the weight. Slow and steady. The healthy way. I wanted to feel better about myself.

God, I'm glad I started. I'm so thankful that it finally clicked. I'm so thankful I did something. I'm so glad to be this far along with my weight loss.

Alright, so the answer to the poll of how much I weighed in this photo...

57% said 121-130...

Actual weight:

138. Children's BMI of 20.4 and in the 65th percentile.

Perfectly healthy, but once again, when I asked Deanna to vote, we ran into the issue of perspective and how our frames of reference really vary. To refresh, Deanna is 5'1", I'm 6'0". We're in entirely different weight classes--our healthy weight ranges don't even cross. When I asked her to guess my weight in that photo, she guessed 105-110 lbs at the heaviest. When I told her 138--actually, a few months earlier and an inch shorter, I weighed in at about 149, though that was the awkward 6th-7th grade phase--her eyes just about bugged out of her head. To her 138 is really heavy. To me now, it's at the very bottom of my healthy weight range. At the time, it was totally healthy. Interestingly, the winner of Biggest Loser, Olivia, is 5'9" and her finale weight was 132.

Oh and I'm easing into telling Deanna my current weight. Because it's not 138. I did, however, tell the Hubs my "number." That's a big step--I can purge my soul to him, he's my best friend in the world, but I didn't want him to know my weight. When I was pregnant, I made him look away when he came with me to the doctor's office. I whispered it to the nurse when she asked for the anesthesiologist who would be administering my epidural. I was embarrassed. Now I'm not. I'm not entirely used to my current weight though. I was jotting down my current and ultimate goal weights and I miswrote it. I typed it in wrong to my weight loss ticker. I'm always making myself gain at least 10 pounds. In my mind, I have to correct myself even more.

It's a process. Eventually my brain will readjust, my eyes will (hopefully) be kinder on my mind and body, and the old wounds that left me feeling inferior and almost victimized will no longer reopen as easily.

For now, I have a new number on my wrist, my pilates DVD sitting next to my laptop ready to go, my tennis shoes leaning against the stationary bike waiting for our date tonight, and my motivation to finish strong driving me on.

“I changed my mind and I believe in myself.” --Hannah, Biggest Loser Season 11


P.S. McFatty Monday next week will again take place on Tuesday.