Do or do not. There is no try.

Losing weight is a choice. Yes, there are perpetual forces keeping us from being successful--work potlucks, lingering cupcakes, the ease of to-go foods, having too much on the to-do list. The problem is that while these seem to be external forces, it's really not. It's us. It's our choice as to how we respond to cupcakes and cheese fries, and oh my goodness chicken wings. These things don't jump out at us and force us to eat them, even though it seems sometimes like they do. We make a choice to eat them, either in moderation, frequent moderation (which isn't the same thing), or with unbridled enthusiasm. We control if we're a healthy weight or 500 pounds. Sometimes this is a passive control, but we're in control when it comes right down to it.

It's a similar concept to not being able to control someone else's behavior, but you can control your reaction to that person's behavior. Food, however, is easier to dispose of than people. People don't usually appreciate being tossed into the trash with banana peels and used napkins.

Food is a comfort--it's used in celebrations, for social gatherings, as a remedy for PMS, loneliness, and so forth. And no wonder, it's delicious. I can definitely tell you tales of eating and eating and practically licking my plate clean simply because it tasted good. (Never mind the stomach ache that followed.) Many a time I have munched down gobs of chips and dip and other hors d'eurves in a social setting just to give myself something to do. It brings on feelings of contentment and even happiness...while I'm eating. Afterwards though, and sometimes immediately after I've shoved my mouth in a troth of food, there is a feeling of remorse, of indigestion, and of low self-worth. I feel self-conscious and guilty. And fat.

Even in doing Weight Watchers and being aware of what's good for me and what's not, I still see my favorite (see: fatty) foods in a positive light. Isn't that masochistic? It's like an abusive relationship. Think about it. What would you tell a friend who was involved with someone who made them feel awful about themselves and put their health, life, and future in jeopardy? Who kept them from going to social functions or participating in activities because they didn't feel up to it or didn't feel comfortable in their own skin? (I'm hinting at the fast-approaching swimsuit season.)

What kind of reaction would you expect from that friend when confronted? "Yeah, but they're so good looking, they're really sweet, they don't mean to be that way, you just don't know them like I do."

Umm-hmm.

I think a big problem I have is thinking that healthier food options are automatically not as tasty as full calorie foods. I had a mini breakthrough on our most recent date night though. I planned ahead. We went to Island's, which is a disaster waiting to happen. Not to ruin it for you, but a burger without fries there is easily a day, maybe two days' worth of WW points. What's a girl watching her points to do? I ordered a Turkey Burger Lite, which came with steamed broccoli and carrot slices, and I left full. It was 14 WW points total, which is still more than recommended for a single meal, but it was a good choice. I didn't feel guilty afterward and my creative points management allowed me to split an unbuttered popcorn with the Hubs and splurge on a soda at the movies. (Keep in mind that I used to love movie theatre butter--the greasier the better.) It's a matter of retraining my brain about how I view food. Mountains of greasy food are not my friends and they make me feel awful afterwards. Yes, I'll encounter them from time to time and I'll have a reasonable amount, but I can't let myself succumb to all out splurging. I'd rather move toward thinking more positively of healthy food and have the same sort of feeling of contentment that I have with "comfort foods," but not because I'm stuffing my gills, but because I'm nourishing my body and a healthy diet feels good. It gives me more energy naturally. It allows my body to function better.

I'm a big advocate for looking for the root of a problem rather than treating the symptoms and when it comes to managing my weight, it's really important that I realize why my weight became a problem for me in the first place, why I let it stay a problem, and what triggers me to eat more and have the number on the scale creep up.

I think I mentioned doing this before, but I didn't follow through--when I write down my food for the day, I'm also going to include a rating for how hungry I am and my mood so I can better understand my eating habits, as well as my habits when it comes to things like stress or boredom. I believe an Excel spreadsheet would be appropriate here.

Now, onto the stats for this week:

• I took my measurements again--I try not to do this too often. All differences in parantheses reflect my "before" measurements from June:
• Waist-lost another inch (-6 total)
• Hips-lost another inch (-6 total)
• Upper arm-Lost 1/2 inch (- 2 total)
• Upper thigh-lost another inch (-4 total)
• Got back to where I was the last time I logged an entry for McFatty Monday, which is at 40 pounds lost even.

What I did well this week:

• After a disappointing couple of weeks, weight loss wise, which resulted in an absence from McFatty Monday, I recovered and got back on track.
• I went for a morning jog with the dogs--one is 65 lbs, the other is 100 lbs which is almost a workout in itself. This is the start of a beautiful win/win relationship. Dogs get exercise, we get exercise (the Hubs and I are splitting these duties.)
• I'm averaging between about 60-70 ounces of water every day, which is improvement. I want to get to at least 80-90 consistently.

Something else to announce: I am now a paying WW member. Well, for 3 months anyway. After not being able to break through the wall lately to reach a huge psychological milestone (and therefore shooting my confidence in the foot), I decided to recruit the support of WW online. I wanted to move into the PointsPlus century, but the formulas make calculus look elementary. I didn't like the idea of doing all of those calculations by hand myself because it would mean I would be less likely to stick with it. I also knew I didn't want to stay with the regular points because they don't differentiate bad points from good points and I do want to eat better. Fruits and veggies are ZERO points so this will encourage me to munch on them all day.

Anyway, considering I used my hard-earned cashola on this as an investment, I'll let you know what I think after I try it for awhile.

Oh yeah, and I'm done setting exact dates for weight loss goals. I've said it before, but it's incredibly discouraging not to reach them on time.

Motivation for this week: Swim classes for Little start in less than 2 weeks. Translation: I have to squeeze my tush into a bathing suit in less than 2 weeks and parade in public wearing said bathing suit. Granted, most people pay attention to my cute baby and ignore me and the whole idea is to get her more comfortable and safe in the water, but whatever.

Also, 5 pounds away from a big psychological milestone. Broken record, anyone? I'd be thrilled to drop from my current weight even, to be honest.

Goals for the week:

• Water. 80 ounces or 4 fill-ups of my Klean Kanteen approximately. The key is consistency. No one day 100 ounces, the next 20.
• Jogs with the dogs: At least 3. 4, preferably.
• Pilates: 2 workouts--both DVDs twice

Oh and just to remember where I've been, a belly pic from a year ago (well, a few days over). Also, a photo of Shrek (AKA: My right foot during pregnancy). Because there's nothing like water retention to make a girl feel sexy.