Well I've had a trepiditious couple of weeks. I had a worrisome lump develop on the back of my neck, which my advanced degree in Googling indicated was either a) muscular or b) lymph nodes AKA: infection. This resulted in a good for nothing migraine and some pretty mean back pain that lasted pretty much the whole of a workweek. I was able to have a physical therapist buddy work on my neck, which he thought was muscular and looking back, I think it was both. He said there was a really big knot in my neck, which kept him from being able to fully do some of the stretches. In session one, I did experience traction for the first time and since back and neck pain can stem from the shoulder, I experienced having my shoulder actually popped out of the socket. It wasn't the shoulder and that didn't exactly hurt persay, but that was a feeling like none other. Anyway, the therapy helped to a degree, but then the migraine took over and I turned to Excedrin Migraine, which unlike Aleve, Tylenol, or Motrin, actually relieved my upper to mid back pain. It also took the edge off the migraine. And then I got a cold (more lymph nodes kicked into action--see: got inflamed and painful). I'm still getting over my cold.
In other words: I didn't workout. I got in some calorie burn informally with cleaning and running around with Little, but the stationary bike seat is colder than a glacier in Alaska. I ate enough (though my water intake suffered big time with the migraine and then when nothing tasted good), even more than I was supposed to, but here's the thing--my body is in gear it seems so I pulled out a good weight loss. Since I last checked in on the 15th, I've lost 3.2 pounds. This means, dear Internet friends, I have 1.8 pounds to go until GOAL.
I have lost 72.2 pounds.
That deserves its own line.
I realized on my walk into work this morning that when I was about 37 or so weeks pregnant, was retaining water like crazy and suddenly had my blood pressure spike and white spots in my vision and got sent to L&D to get checked out, I weighed more than 100 pounds more than I do right now. Sure, I was retaining water and had an almost 8 1/2 pound baby on the way, but still. I saw the number. I was embarrassed of the number because it meant I had started off at a very unhealthy weight. I was ashamed that I hadn't given myself and the peanut the healthiest start possible. Fortunately, everything turned out. Little's healthy, though she spiked a fever and now seems to have another bug (and is probably snuggling with her Daddy at home) today. I will never see anything close to that number again. I know that. I also know that should I birth another baby (our hearts are pulling us toward adoptions if we have any more kids), I'll be much healthier to start, which would hopefully mean less issues with swelling and so forth. If I don't, I'm so much healthier now. I'm about 50 pounds lighter than my pre-pregnancy weight for starters. So even if I got pregnant, I wouldn't let myself even touch my pre-pregnancy weight.
Also, my feet and legs will never look like this again -->>
Bottom line, that was a nice feeling of accomplishment--the contrast of sitting in L&D being asked my weight by the nurse in front of Hubs, who I made turn away whenever I got weighed to now, when I announce my weight, inches lost, and current size loudly and proudly.
Something else has changed, too. Or rather, things that have never happened before are happening. Like being called skinny, several times in one day. That. is. weird. And I turn into a bit of a blubbering idiot when I receive a compliment.
Inevitably when praised for my weight loss, I get hit with the question: "What are you doing?"
My response is typically that I started off doing Weight Watchers and then switched over to just tracking calories online and I can see the enthusiasm drain out of the asker's face like the fish listening to Marlin trying to tell a joke. Apparently, my method is boring and not what people want to be told. It's all about the quick fixes and fad diets nowadays for dramatic results fast. Most (not all) would prefer I tell them that I eat nothing but dehydrated tofu and acai berry bars, inject myself with pregnancy hormones, and hang upside down for an hour each night.
Nope, my method is simple math. It's slower. It's controlled. It's a lifestyle change. I wouldn't have done it any other way. Sure, it would have been nice for the weight loss to be faster, but there's a learning process and it takes time for the knowledge and willpower to stick. I think I appreciate each pound because I earned it. I didn't do anything unhealthy to lose any of them. I can only speak for myself, but I think if I had lost the weight too fast, my attitude and mindset wouldn't have had as much time to adjust.
I do notice that people who have complimented me on my weight loss pay attention to what I'm eating. I eat well. The food I bring to work gets a lot of envious sniffs. I don't starve myself. I eat more than I did before, but I learned what to eat. I learned to love tomatoes and zucchini and mushrooms--first on WW because they were 0 points and even converted to MFP, they're low calories, but they help fill me up. I learned to get my fiber because it keeps me full and gives me a boost. There's nothing I can't eat, I just have to be smart about it. I don't believe in depriving myself. If I want queso, I have my queso, but I make a conscious decision...and informed. I know what I'm eating so I have the option to compensate somewhere else, but I very rarely experience that "Feed. Me. NOW." feeling unless I haven't eaten as often as I should. It's difficult to get hungry when you're drinking enough water and you're eating every 3-4 hours. Plus I can eat more of the healthier stuff. You should see some of the mountainous plates of food I make for dinner sometimes.
Let's say I decide to go for broke and go for my old beige standby at Cracker Barrel--chicken fried chicken with white country gravy, two helpings of the hashbrown casserole and mashed potatoes, also with white country gravy. (Ugh.) Krys before would have done that, felt tremendously guilty, would have given up on food choices for days after (because what difference did it make if I already screwed myself over?), and maybe a weight loss program altogether. Me now? I make the decision, I enjoy every. single. bite. without guilt. I know that 3,500 calories (extra when daily activity is considered--though with that entree, activity is on par with a hibernating bear) equals a pound. Just being sedentary, I know my body burns roughly 2,000 just functioning. I know the fat and sodium is outrageous so I would expect to retain fluid. I'd need to compensate with a lot of extra water. I'd expect my body to freak out a bit and for me to gain temporarily. BUT I'm not going to followup my carb-rich dining at Cracker Barrel with Chick-fil-a and In 'n Out Burger and Burger King and pizza and whatever else I can stuff in my face.
Another thing? I'm not going to punish myself either. If I want to eat something, I'm going to have it, savor it, and have fond memories of it. I'm not going to still be torturing myself about it a week later. So if you see me having a relationship with my huge juicy cheeseburger and cheese fries or a savory looking New England Clam Chowder bread bowl, don't start planning an intervention. Just try not to take the extended pauses in conversation personally or get embarrassed by the spontaneous and frequent "mmmm" sounds and pass me a napkin. As far as the calories and repercussions? "Shhh, not while I'm eating..."
Ah and the new shoes title? Three new pairs of shoes got added to my fashion repertoire and I'm actually really excited. About shoes.
Who am I?
Edit--make that 4. These little babies will be waiting for me when I get home on Wednesday. Perfect for running the dusty trails around here.
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