First day.

Today is hard. I foresee a lot of restrained tears, silent pep talks, and staring off into space thinking far-fetched thoughts. Today is Kaelyn's first day at daycare. The woman that runs it out of her home is wonderful, highly-recommended, licensed, her home is beautiful...she's in really good hands. Then why do I feel overwhelmed and anxious about pint-sized bullies ripping her pacifier out of her mouth, stealing her Lumpy, and making her cry?

Mommy guilt? Mommy worry? Neither of which ever go away.

Then at the same time, I don't want her to pick up on my anxiety so I try to reason with these mental images and thoughts.

My first day back to work was difficult because I wanted to spend time with her, but she was home with the Hubs and as we've agreed, if one of us is with her, it's like we're both there. I felt totally confident. Today, it's not that I don't feel confident in the care she's receiving--we wouldn't be sending her there if we weren't--but...I don't know, I just feel out of the loop. Protective.

It's going to be slow at work today and I kind of dread that because I need a distraction.

She's going to be fine. She'll probably be Little Miss Smiles when I pick her up.

Breathe.