Oh and I have my official "before" jeans. I wore them before I started this McFatty Monday business and have been wearing them ever since. It was an awkward fit to start because my hips widened quite a bit during pregnancy and then there's the bell-ay, which looks a bit like a deflated balloon. (Sorry for that mental image, but seriously, what's to be expected after growing a human in your stomach?) Anyways, back to these "before" jeans. I tried to put them on yesterday. They will not stay up. They fell down even button and zipped. What's better? I pulled out my jeans I so very much want to get back into. I have a pair that's several sizes smaller than the "before" jeans and they almost button. Now, these are one of the anomalies of the fashion world, where the sizes are off and in this case, a little bigger than the standard size, but they almost button and this is such a positive psychological boost for me. Not to mention yet another motivating factor for me to get my booty (not to mention thighs) back into them. I think another 10 or 15 pounds and they'll fit, you know, without me feeling like I'm squeezed into them like sausage in casing. (Again, sorry for the mental image.) The other interesting part of this is the thought of what size I could potentially be wearing when all is said and done. Several sizes smaller than these jeans I'm dying to fit into now. Boo-yah.
So I'm feeling pretty good mentally--physically, well, I'm fighting off yet another sinus/cold thing. I had this a couple of weeks ago. Little's been fighting it this weekend, poor baby, and I of course picked it up from her because my immune system fights like a hog-tied Pomeranian. Which I do not condone or support in any way, shape or form. Just in an odd little mood this morning.
Something I've noticed is that I have a much different relationship with the scale. I'm a borderline-obsessive when it comes to weighing myself. The Hubs will tell you how I sneak over to the scale at night, which isn't in any way accurate. I think it's curiosity or the scientific-minded side of myself. (Is that the right or left half of the brain?) I know that it's likely that if my weight before bed one night is less than previous nights that common sense would say that I should weigh less at my official weigh-ins in the mornings, yes? Plus I just like to know.
I don't fear the scale anymore. I hated the scale before. During pregnancy, I'd roll my eyes up and away so I didn't have to see the nurse scooching that darn bar further up. (Well until I had a pre-eclampsia scare, swelled up like a marshmallow and felt a victory at losing 10 pounds of water in a weekend of eating seriously low-sodium foods.) Having the avoidance mentality when it came to the scale left me in the dark about how bad I was letting the situation get (even before I was pregnant--thus the 20 pounds of post-wedding weight). This was not healthy for me, physically or mentally. I like being in the know with what's going on with my body and my weight, even though I know weight naturally fluctuates during the day, week, and month. (Aren't hormones lovely?) I accept these fluctuations, but the pattern is what I pay attention to and this week, the pattern. was. awesome. There's a lot of debate about how often to weigh yourself. Some say once a week. Some say not to go by the scale. I weigh myself pretty often. Typically twice a day. Sometimes more. It works for me. I don't get down on myself--not as much as I would before, but like this blog and the McFatty Monday phenomenon, it keeps me accountable.
A few weeks ago, I told the Hubs how I'm glad I'm posting about my weight loss on the blog. It's public and all the world can see, though I can assure you, based on Google Analytics, the world does not read my blog. The point is that I publicly stated that I had 73 pounds to lose. I feel like I publicly admitted my problem. That I struggle with my weight, but I also publicly stated that I am not going to live with this anymore. That I am making changes to make myself feel better and be healthier. That I will get to a weight I'm happier with, that makes me feel good about myself. I think the importance of doing this so publicly is that I know myself. With this amount of pressure, I'm not going to slack off. I'm not going to just stop. It's different than just casually saying I'm going to lose weight or telling myself I want to. I'm doing it. I made it purposely so that if I'm not following through, I feel shame showing my face. Because I made a huge deal out of the fact that I want to be a role model for Little and I refuse to back down on that--though that's true regardless of this being public. It's just a different feeling this time--like I know down to my core that I won't go back to where I was. I will reach my goal.
So what's changed as far as strategy? Well, the WW points really helps, rather than worrying too much about calories and fat grams, carbs, etc. It does the math as far as how bad or good a particular food is for me. Another thing that's helping is frozen food for lunch. We have a stockpile of Weight Watchers Smart Ones (thus easing my guilt that I'm not paying for their services, but using their calculators, etc.) in the freezer and that helps limit both points and portion sizes. I also figured out (since these things are pricey unless you get them on sale and if you're watching your wallet), that Banquet freezer meals are maybe a point or two more and cost about a buck each. Granted they're packed full of sodium and probably don't have the absolute best ingredients, but you know, I just need help losing the weight for now. Grabbing one of these is a no-brainer. Then I can eat whatever we decide to make for dinner and not be in trouble with my WW points. Plus I like them better than Lean Cuisine, which I found extremely salty. I do want to work on getting more fruits in my daily diet. I made a small first batch of apple sauce for Kaelyn and since it turned out well, I think I might make some for me to take to work. I'm better about sneaking veggies into recipes, but there's definitely room for improvement too. I guess Stage 1 is get on a roll losing weight. Later on it will be to really improve what I'm eating.
Something I'm doing well is taking the stairs. I pant my way up with my legs burning by the time I reach my destination, but then I feel better afterwards. I'm still not doing any formal exercise. I play with Little and use our "airplane" time to work my arms (hey, she's almost 20 pounds so that counts for something!). I don't think Jillian Michaels and I will be meeting again anytime soon. I want to enjoy exercise and frankly, she frightens me. I dug out my yoga VHS tapes to try. Yes, I said VHS--you know, those big rectangle things with the roll of film? They still sold those things when this yoga set was purchased and likely last used. I want to give it a try before I invest in a new DVD. I like the relaxation idea that comes with yoga...thus why my purchase would not be for Jillian's Yoga Meltdown. I might give Pilates a try again too. Get those "long, lean muscles of a dancer"...uh-hmm. Sure. Too bad I don't have the grace or coordination.
Something I didn't do so well this week was drink water. I need to do better this week. It's important. Another goal for this week is to do crunches a few days and do at least a day of yoga.
Overall though, I'm very happy with my progress. I started this on June 7th so about 2 months and I've lost 13.6 pounds. Not too shabby. I've said it before, but I'm not about to do a fad diet that promises 30 lbs lost in 30 days. I refuse to ban all carbs or take HCG drops and eat 500 calories a day or take certain over-the-counter dietary aids that mess with my digestive...er...abilities. Any of these are not good for me, not feasible with me still pumping (and needing the calories), and really not healthy. Plus it's not something I can stick with long-term. I want my results to last. I don't think "quick fixes" work for anything. There's not enough of a change mentally. I want to learn how much to eat and little tricks to make my points go further. For example, I can save 2 points just by not having cheese on a sandwich, 2 by halfing the amount of sugar called for in my frappe recipes, 2 points by having an open face sandwich instead of a full. Easy stuff. I'm learning to eat smarter and that will stick with me through this weight loss and after when I'm doing a weight maintenance routine. I'm realistic enough to know that I'm not the type of person who doesn't have to be conscientious about what I eat. It's true what they say about how weight loss needs to be a permanent lifestyle change. There's not a finish line where I reach my goal weight, wipe my brow, and then go eat whatever I want and never gain an ounce. I'm going to have to keep myself accountable for the rest of my life.
Next week? Hopefully progress photos and a happy Amazon.com order receipt. Eek...(and Squeeeeee!)
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