The Mommy Dance: Unstoppable.

You find your faith has been lost and shaken

You take back what's been taken

Get on your knees and dig down deep

You can do what you think is impossible

Keep on believing, don't give in

It'll come and make you whole again

It always will, it always does

Love is unstoppable

~Rascal Flatts

I have a power playlist. Actually it's called my "Kick Butt Playlist." It's made up of songs to motivate me when I'm working out. Some are feel good and give me a little attitude in my step. For example, "Short Skirt/Long Jacket," which makes me stand a little straighter, strut a little. It also makes me think of the movie Waitress, which makes me think of Nathan Fillion. ::sigh::

The lyrics above are from "Unstoppable" by Rascal Flatts, which is in all actuality about being broken and allowing love in to heal you. Interestingly, it was used as one of the theme songs for the Winter Olympics last year. For me, it covers a lot of topics. One is being broken by love and loved ones. Another is making mistakes in life, taking the wrong path, regretting past mistakes and actions, wasted time. Yet another connection I make with the song has to do with not watching out for my own best interests, for trapping myself in bad situations, for being silent when I should have spoken up, for not being kind to myself.

For not taking control of something in my control: my weight. In turn, this helps to improve my feelings of self-worth, it empowers me to believe in myself, to take action, to live and not just sit on the sidelines in fear and in doubt.

I listened to this song twice on my almost hour long walk over lunch. It just really hit home for me, particularly the line "You take back what's been taken." This can be the emotional damage, baggage, whatever you want to call it caused by others, but it can also be what I've taken from myself. Happiness. There were so many experiences when I felt so uncomfortable with how I looked, I couldn't fully enjoy the experience. I would spend the entire time picking at my clothes (or worse yet, bathing suit), finding ways to camoflauge bulges, even hide behind towels, pillows. I just simply lived with that nagging self-consciousness. It was easier to do nothing...

right?

I'm not so sure.

I choose taking control. I choose to lose the weight. I choose to make life-long changes. I choose happiness. With that kind of determination, I'm not going to let anything or anyone stand in my path, not even myself.

So, because I was looking through the goal photo forums over on http://www.3fatchicks.com/, I felt the need to do a progress photo to remind myself that even though I have a way to go, there's already a difference. That's obvious in the expression on my face.

Before--June 2010