13 weeks to goal. Um, yeah. No pressure.

You know you're doing better on your own, so don't buy in.Live right now.

Yeah, just be yourself.

It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else.

It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.

Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).

~"The Middle"-Jimmy Eat World

I had one of those weigh-ins this morning. It was a good weigh-in, but I expected more. All in all, with the weight gain I had last week with my body being out of whack, I lost 2.6 pounds. I kind of see it as more accurately being 1.5-2 lbs. 49 lbs lost total. I guess I'm disappointed because I was so looking forward to reaching the 50 lb milestone and I really thought I had it. I even fit in my own condensed "last chance workout" yesterday where I shoveled rocks and dirt (very stubborn rocks and dirt at that) to help clear out a small part of the area where Little's sandbox is going while she played outside.

My body still isn't back to normal . I'm really trying to do what I can to get it to that point, but it's just taking awhile. That's frustrating, but I'm doing what I can. No excuses though. In recent weeks, I've wanted to cut myself slack, but I'm not going to analyze or justify. I'm just going to take it for what it is and move on. I'm doing well, I'm making progress. Just keep going. Oh and at some point I need to take a progress photo in normal clothes and not my work pants.

I'm looking ahead at the summer months trying to figure out a workout solution. Here it's not out of the realm of possibility of being 105 degrees at 8am. So what do I do? I can't sweat it out and then come back to work. 80 degree weather is bad enough even with "clinical strength" deodorant. I may have an in for a pretty spiffy looking treadmill on-site, but I'm learning that I'm more outdoorsy when it comes to exercise (except for pilates, which I've only done inside) and I feel cabin fever coming on just thinking about it. Plus I do better only having to compete with my own clumsiness combined with gravity...I think adding the conveyor belt of doom might be like brewing the perfect storm. I speak from experience. I was 5 or 6 and I went shooting off the back of a treadmill and got one nasty rug burn on my knees.

Er--what was I saying? Oh yes, I love the outdoors. I need my Vitamin D. I like the feeling of freedom with being outside. I like the crunch of the dirt and gravel under my tennis shoes when I'm on the trails. I like the wind on my face and the sun warm on my shoulders. One or two mornings a week, I could concievably walk/run before work. I may need to set aside time at night (though there goes the Vitamin D theory) or on the weekends to go, but I was trying not to take away from "family" time. I also know Little needs the time to run around and she loves to explore so much. She's not quite to family walk age since she tends to wander quickly away--which looks a little like E.T.'s waddle. Perhaps more manual labor while she plays closeby? I'd at least be working toward getting her sandbox installed and clearing the way for her climber playground and artificial turf. Oh well, I'll figure it out and get in my "burn." No excuses. Still...

Boo hiss, summer. Boo hiss.

Then again, I'm kind of hoping to build up a heat tolerance. [Insert hysterical laughter here.]

In any case, I have 25 pounds to go. I have a few goals in particular in mind:

-50 lbs: should happen in the next couple of days

-60 lbs by Memorial Day. This just so happens to be when we have a family reunion and multitudes of photos will be taken.

-70 lbs by our Disneyland/San Diego trip toward the end of June

-74 lbs and goal weight by the All-Star Game (7/12). This particular date doesn't have too much significance with the weight loss except I have the day off. I might take Little over to P-Dog's pool, I might do some new clothes shopping :) A more realistic goal date is probably end of July/beginning of August, but we'll see what happens.

What I Did Well This Week: I stayed pretty active, carried and chased Little around the zoo for 3 1/2 hours on Tuesday, walked 2/3 days I worked. I ate breakfast everyday. I stayed in my points, again leaving my Activity points alone. I decided to cut out my daily Frappe and make it more of a treat when I can actually sit and enjoy it, saving 3-4 WW points a day. I'm not noticing much of a slump coming off of the caffeine, but then I haven't had my infrequent soda fix in weeks. I'm hoping the lack of caffeine will help keep me more hydrated because truly I'm drinking water like a camel. (Actually, Little and I learned at the zoo that camels don't store water in their humps--those humps are all fat. Talk about "baby got back!"

Yeeeah. Bad joke.)

I'm doing better about fitting fruits and veggies into all meals and more snacks. I'm much more of a veggie eater than fruit so I'm going to have to try harder to like fruit.

Challenges during the week: I didn't manage to fit in pilates, which bums me out. Really, I could have done it. I'm sure there was some sitting around time that could have been spent doing a little pilates.

As I mentioned, my body still feels out of whack, but I'm charging forward and hopefully my body will get its act together.

Things that motivated me this week: I loaded up on Biggest Loser episodes. I did a trial of Hulu Plus (which I'm not a huge fan of due to the commercial breaks and pauses in the show as it tries to download) so I was able to get through a lot of Season 7. (Only Seasons 1, 6-11 are available--I originally did watch S-1 and tried Season 6, but didn't care for the contestants.) I look at it as--these people are in awful physical shape and they're able to do workouts for 6-8 hours a day. Is that practical for at-home people? No, but they push themselves (with the help of a trainer breathing down their neck and screaming in their ear) and they can do things that seemed impossible. It gives me a little nudge. I also love seeing the transformations.

I'm also seeing a change in my body. My tummy and hips are shrinking :) Now if I could only cut off the deflated skin, it would be fantastic.

I also found some excellent new music for my playlist.

Motivations for this week (and beyond):

• I want to reach my 50 lb goal and my last few goals so badly, but I want to hit that goal weight on time. I need to kick it into gear to make sure that happens.

• C25K. (Couch to 5K). I started it Friday, though I debated mentioning it here yet. Oh well. I'm giving it a try. I think it's a mind over matter thing. I do really well for 6 of the jogging segments and then I feel like I can't slow my heart rate enough to feel like I can jog again. Basically, if you're not familiar with the plan, you do 3 walk/jogs, 3 times per week, each about 20-30 mins. You start off with a brisk walk, then do 60 seconds of jogging, then 90 seconds of walking, rinse and repeat until you've done 8 mins of jogging and 12 mins of walking total (not including warmup brisk walk). Every week, you slowly transition to doing more jogging than running until after 2 months, you're running a 5K. A lot of people try running, but give up quickly (or get injured) after pushing too hard and running too fast right from the get-go. The idea is to start slow (or for people like me, reeeeally slow) and give your body a time to adapt. The difference for me is that I do the C25K training and then do a 30 min walk afterward. Anyway, I really do want to prove to myself that I can run and I'm hoping that experiencing a "runner's high" will make me want to keep it up. After all, in 30 mins of running I can earn more WW activity points than I can walking 60 mins. I do like a bargain!
• To see the continuing transformation in myself
• To wear SHORTS and be comfortable.
• To continue to gain self-confidence.
• To be able to buy a new wardrobe and donate the old stuff because I am never going back.
• To feel at ease in a bathing suit when we go to Hawaii (and perhaps wear something more daring than my typical tankini.)