In This Skin

Cause I am worthy
To feel beautiful in this skin

Be beautiful in this skin

Love me for me

Have confidence in this skin

Be confident in this skin

Be real, be real

See the beauty inside this skin

I don't have to hide this skin

I feel, I feel

An awakening in this skin

Stop forsaking me in this skin

~Jessica Simpson "In This Skin"

 
Okay, so I missed McFatty Monday this week. Not for lack of effort, but my body's been out of whack for a couple of weeks and I thought I'd give it a chance to catch up and then check-in. Well, it's getting back on track...slowly. Not really where I'd like it to be, but all I can do is charge forward and do what I can to lose weight.

In a recent McFatty post, I sang WW's praises, which I still do, but a reality of weight loss is that some weeks, your body simply won't cooperate. There's no rhyme or reason to it, but sometimes your body just doesn't want to let go of weight and fat. I've noticed this at times. I get stuck and then all of a sudden, I'm putting up good, consistent numbers. I hope that's the case right now. I kind of feel like the little engine that doesn't know if she can make it to the top of the mountain, but is going to push and push and make it happen. I'm kind of hoping to reach the top soon and feel the exhilaration just before accelerating down the hill.

I will say that eating healthier has inspired me to expand my inventory of recipes. What I'm finding is that cooking healthier doesn't mean it takes longer or is even more expensive. The food I cook is a lot brighter, a lot more colorful, a far cry from the hues of beige that used to fill my plate. Some of my favorite recipes lately have included stuffed portobello mushrooms, turkey cheddar burgers, hidden veggie meatballs w/ pasta, fish tacos...it's not like I'm eating dehydrated or powdered foods here, this is good stuff. That's been a huge overhaul for me and I like it. I feel better when I eat better. I think a misconception is that eating healthy means you eat lettuce or cardboard marketed as food.

When the scale doesn't reflect the work you've put in, it's nice to get feedback from other people. I've had a few compliments given to me in the past week, which has helped. It's also nice to see and feel the difference myself. My body has flaws for sure, but the further I get in this weight loss journey (to use a commonly used phrase from Biggest Loser), the more accepting I am of my body and myself in general. I don't feel 100% confident all the time and I seriously doubt I ever will, but I feel more comfortable in my own skin, which is a huge deal for me because this hasn't been the case since I was probably in early elementary school.

I looked up some of the Biggest Loser contestants who did incredibly well on the show. I wanted to see how they've done since the show--if they were able to maintain close to their finale weight. Most have gained about 15-20 lbs. Some have gained almost all the weight back. A select few are a couple of pounds lighter. This is something that is heavy on my mind because I want to be able to maintain my weight. A fear of mine is becoming passive again, mindlessly eating whatever sounds good, and putting some of the weight back on. I'd love to not have to worry about what I eat, but that's not an option for me. I might be logging my food and points for quite a while after I reach my goal weight, if not forever. It's not a diet. These are lifestyle changes. When I switch gears to maintenance, I'll get more points, but I'll still need to keep myself accountable, keep myself in check.

I've said it before, but I am my biggest obstacle. I'm the one who makes the food choices. I'm the one who decides whether or not I'm going to fit in a walk or pilates DVD. I'm the one who chooses. I have the capability and the means to lose this weight and maintain a healthy weight.

It's an entirely conscious decision.

It's a choice.