Twinks Gets Fit...

Monday, July 25, 2011

The one where I sound like I'm on the verge of a Stuart Smalley affirmation...

So. I have a big 5 weeks ahead.

It's the home stretch.

This week wasn't looking terribly promising, but it turned around and I ended up with almost a 2 pound loss. This puts me 7.8 pounds away from goal.

I had to take a moment this morning to really process how far I've come. I looked back at my first McFatty posts and how I set these milestones--pre-pregnancy weight, wedding weight, "psychological happy dance" (a # on the scale that seemed unattainable), weight I was when I met Hubs, high school weight...

I've hit all of those milestones. I'm a little over 2 pounds below high school senior weight, when I looked like this:

I've been through a lot since that picture was taken, including having Little and now I weigh less than I did then when I was shorter than I am now.

I've lost over 66 pounds. I'm so proud of that. I'm not proud that I was at my original starting weight, but I'm proud that I did something about it. That I chose to change my life. I'm proud that I didn't give up when I felt challenged. I'm proud to have continued to make choices that help me along and that improve my health and my life, including giving up soda on March 31. (Yes, it's marked on my calendar.) I'm proud that I feel healthier and more fit. I'm proud of the fact that I feel good in my own skin, despite imperfections, for the first time in my life. I'm proud to be so close to finishing what I set out to do. I'm proud that I have set goals beyond that.

You know what? I'm pretty gosh darn proud of myself.

I was reading BA's post this morning and I think everyone who's losing a significant amount of weight has these thoughts. When is it going to be good enough? When am I going to look at myself and say, I'm happy with my body?

My answer? I don't know. Right now, I'm to the point of beginning to like my body. I don't shy as much from my reflection. If I stayed this weight for the rest of my life, I'd be content with that. Here's the thing though--I know I can push my body. I don't mean to be a rail. I mean, to really be fit. Athletic even. I know it's capable of running a 5K, 10K, and beyond. I know it can overcome obstacles I never thought I could.

But to do all that, it needs more conditioning. So it's not about getting as thin as I possibly can. I would rather weigh a little more and have muscle and tone than be rail-thin and flabby. Not body-builder muscle, but muscle.

I don't know how to really gauge when enough's enough. If I had to be honest, on only the weight issue, I'd say that now's enough for me. I'm well into "healthy" now. Getting to goal would be extra cushion, so to speak.

Once I hit goal, it's the fitness challenge part. For that, I have some goals in mind. My focus won't be on weight loss.

I guess that's a big thing to say--right now, at this moment, I'm good enough for me. I'm so much more confident than I've ever been. It's not just in feeling confident in my own skin, it's a sense of confidence in myself, in who I am, in what I say.

It's a good place to be.

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