- "I'm so busy/tired, I just need to grab food fast."
- "I'm working so hard, I deserve a treat."
- "[Douchebag who I let break my heart time and time again] is being a jerk so I deserve to order pizza/pick up Chickfila/another pint of Ben & Jerry's."
- "I'm depressed so I deserve..."
- "I'm stressed so I deserve..."
So I'm frustrated. I want to see that number continue to go down. I don't want to be teased by the result of a stupid stomach bug. I didn't expect all the weight loss to stick around, but a little more that 1.4 at least. Plus another week passed so there should be more loss, right?
But I'm not quitting. I am frustrated and I feel my self-consciousness gaining strength, but I'm not giving up. I hate that I'm not one of those naturally skinny people or people who haven't had to lose more than 5 lbs in their entire lives. I hate that this isn't easy. I hate that I never feel like what I do is enough. I hate that this weight loss "journey" seems to be going on forever. I hate that I feel so negative today about all of this. I hate that this monopolizes my thoughts so much. There is very little I like about this weight loss journey today, but I will not let myself become complacent about food again. I will not become passive. I will not fall into a self-pitying state and have people coddle me and vent with me about how weight loss is so tough and why even bother to eat right and exercise. I will pick myself up after a setback. I will. I might shed a few tears of frustration today because that's what I do when I can't bottle it up anymore, but I'll try to put my frustration into doing the stairs a few times today, pounding the pavement for my lunch. I'll use my frustration as constructively as possible and hope that it makes a difference on the scale.
No puppies and rainbows this weeks, folks. Maybe next week.